The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same

It's been two years since my last post. Quite a bit has happened: I'm at FSU studying for my PhD, Daisy is two and a little person now, cats have come and gone, but some things are the same. I still have a horrible body image and let those feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and awkwardness keep me from participating in life. These feelings seem to have escalated over the past few months as I'm meeting new people and moving into the competitive academic world. I'm also surrounded by 40,000 undergraduates, most from South Florida with South Florida bodies. My fellow PhD students are young (late 20s/early 30s), so I'm the oldest, fatest, least physical, and junkiest food-eater among them all.

This all really hit home for me last week. I went to a conference that is a big deal in my field with superstar scholars. I felt so bad about my work, I wouldn't approach anyone I didn't already know. On top of that, my age and weight left me feeling as if no one would be interested in spending time with me or getting to know me. Essentially, I wasted a lot of time and money on what could have been an incredible career opportunity. I BLEW IT!!!

I can't reclaim what I squandered but how, how, how do I not let it happen again?